May 2016 was my last month with my precious daughter, I cannot believe that almost three years have gone by since then. A lot has changed, and in some way it seems ages ago I held my gorgeous girl in my arms. We got back from our holiday in Newquay at the end of April and May was a very hard month for all of us. The cancer made Esther very ill: her left eye was badly swollen, she could barely walk, she was talking some nonsense, sleeping and eating a lot, and she could not pass urine or stool […]

We started palliative care in March 2016. Initially after we had the devastating news that Esther’s tumour started growing again, I wanted to restart treatment, to find another chemo protocol to stop the cancer spreading and have my precious daughter back. The reality was that because the disease progression happened so shorty after front line treatment and because the tumour was already spread in a large area and inoperable, all the doctors we talked to advised against any more chemo. Esther illness wasn’t curable and more chemo would have meant more time in hospital. She was already poorly and her […]

This and the following post will be very hard for me to write, but I want to record and share with the world the rest of my journey with my precious Angel Esther, because it feels the right thing to do.  The first half of 2016 has been undoubtedly the hardest time of all my life. In January I went back to work part time. Esther was still on maintenance chemo, which was administered weekly at the children clinic at WRH, by her doctor, Dr. B. It felt right for us to go back to some kind of normality, also […]

In October 2015 the intensive cancer treatment planned for Esther, according to the standard protocol used internationally for the type of tumor she had, finally came to an end. After 9 long months in and out of hospitals we were very relieved to see the end of it, although we still had to continue with her maintenance treatment and regular hospital visits. I was concerned because I knew very well that sadly even though far from pleasant and enjoyable, Esther’s cancer treatment was keeping the “monster” out of sight and Esther safe. Obviously she couldn’t have chemo forever and whatever […]

On 24th August 2015, just after our holiday in Italy and Alice’s baptism, Esther started Radiotherapy treatment at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham. After intensive chemotherapy Esther’s tumour in the primary site (her right arm) was almost completely gone, however the protocol for Esther’s high aggressive cancer routinely includes localised treatment in form of surgery and/or radiotherapy. The latest MRI scan showed areas of residual disease in three different spots on Esther’s arm, so the multidisciplinary team at BCH decided against surgery – as this would have been too traumatic for Esther with no additional guarantees of a cure. […]

On the 11th August 2015 Esther, Alice, Simon-Peter and myself went on holiday to my home town in Northern Italy to visit my family and spend a week at the seaside. If you are reading this blog and wondering if it is possible to organise a holiday abroad while your child is having cancer treatment, my advice is: just be brave and go for it! Of course it would have been easier for us to stay in the safety of our home, with all the amazing medical support just a phone call or a short drive away, but after almost […]

During spring and beginning of summer 2015 we were in and out of hospitals for chemo treatment and doctor’s visits. Esther was doing remarkably well: even-though she was on a very heavy chemo regimen she was well, not having any problems with eating, being sick or poorly. If it hadn’t been for her pretty bold head and stylish hats you would have never guessed she had cancer. She still hated going at BCH for inpatient treatment, and every time she was admitted we all looked forward to the last drip to be discharged and go back home. Esther loved being […]

On the 5th March 2015 Esther was admitted at Worcester Royal Hospital with febrile neutrophenia. As the other times this happened, she was fine in herself, but had low neutrophils count in the blood and spiked a temperature above 38C, which meant that we had to stay at the children ward under antibiotic drip, to avoid the risk of developing a life threatening infection. We spent the days colouring, doing art and crafts, watching TV, snacking on hospital food and playing with Nonna (my mum) and Papa’ (daddy). In the evening of Saturday 7th March, shortly after my mum and my […]

As I have already explained in my previous post, when Esther was diagnosed with cancer and her treatment plan was put in place by her consultant, I was very much afraid of its effect on my beautiful daughter: I was scared that it would have changed her and hurt her. I guess this is a normal fear for any mother who goes through this same journey: we dread the days ahead because we have little or no control of what it is going to happen – we have to learn to live one day at the time, taking each day […]

Three years ago around this time Esther was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of paediatric cancer. She was 2 years and 9 months old. Up to then Esther had been happy and healthy: she was developing well and she was seldom poorly. On the evening of the 4th of December 2014 when I picked her up from nursery, she had a painless lump on her forearm that appeared suddenly on that day. I was concerned so I took her to A&E in Worcester where she was promptly visited and given a X Ray. The response was that […]