In this post I will give you a little insight into our life before the storm struck.

Esther Rosa was born at Worcester Royal Hospital on the 29th of February 2012… leap baby!

She was a happy, healthy baby with a lovely temperament and I was completely in love with her. Milestone after milestone she grew into a confident outgoing toddler… I was so proud of her!

Esther started going to a local childminder, Sharon, when she was just one year old. She spent quite a lot of time there as both my husband and myself worked full time. Esther enjoyed staying at Sharon’s and was very found of her, although she also loved being at home with Mummy and Daddy.

Her caring nature became evident when she was still very young: she loved looking after her dolls and pretending they were her little babies!

She was a content toddler, always smiling and seldom complaining and I felt so blessed to have her in my life.

In May 2013 I bought my first house together with my husband, Simon, and in June 2014 I changed job to move closer to home. Shortly after that I got pregnant with Esther’s little sister… everything was just perfect!

Sometimes I see myself in an old photo taken during that time, before all the difficult decisions, before all the tears, before the grief, before that constant hole in my heart that nothing or nobody will be ever able to fill. I feel ancient compared to that younger me, even if it was just less than 5 years ago… It is almost as if that younger me was someone else, someone who never had to sleep on a camp bed at a children ward, someone who didn’t know what a CVC line was, someone who never waited for the result of an MRI scan with so much worry that couldn’t sleep at night.. someone who didn’t have to bury her beautiful daughter.

Today I am a different person, a grieving mother who feels much more deeply: a lot of things don’t matter to me anymore, but when they matter they really do… everything seems more intense..! But I will talk about this and about how loosing Esther changed me in another post….

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